Dust, Shadow and Death

Lifted from Lorraine Marie T. Badoy

Coffee break chika

A few nights ago, my pops and I watched “Gladiator”. He has severe dementia now so I check once in a while to see if he understands what he is watching.

In that part where the gladiators bow before the Emperor and say, “We who are about to die, bow before you.”, papa mumbles something. 

I ask him what it was he just said. And my papa, the Latin scholar who held the record for the highest grade ever given in Latin in UST for decades says, “Ave Imperator, morituri te salitant.”

(“Hail, Emperor, those who are about to die salute you" which, as it turns out, is a well-known Latin phrase quoted in Suetonius, De vita Caesarum ("The Life of the Caesars")

Then in that part where  Proximo is about to be killed by Roman soldiers for helping Maximus in opposing Emperor Commodus, Proximo turns to his assailants and calmly says, “Shadow and dust.” just before he peacefully meets his death. 

Then my papa whispers to me, “Pulvis et umbra sumus.” 

I ask him what it means. Then he says, “We are but dust and shadow.” (Which happens to be a line from Horace, I found out. Not because I’m a Latin scholar but because may Google. lol)

I ask him further what it means (I was operating on two levels, as a doctor doing a mental status exam and as student of Latin. Ok, 3 levels. As a daughter who misses, once in a while, the brilliant father she once had.)

And papa tells me simply, “We are shadow. We are dust. And we die.”

Oh papa. Was all I could manage. 

He is turning 90 this year. And already  I hear the jungle drums beating. 

Getting to that place where I am able to hold my papa’s hand lightly so that when it is time for me let go is a struggle for me. 

There are days when I hang on to him for dear life and it seems like I will need to be dragged and pulled by the hair to get there.

I think maybe my papa is teaching me the way to get there.

“Pulvis et umbra sumus”, he whispered to me.

We are dust.

We are shadow.

Then he added his own side notes as if to emphasize to me that it is as it should be for all of us, no one exempt. 

“We all die.”

So. So. So.

Tonight he says he wants to watch “Kung Fu Hustle”. Hindi sya marunong mag Intsik so I wonder what flashes of brilliance will make itself manifest this time around. Lol

My pops ❤️