IMAGINE, JUST IMAGINE
Let's see
8 February 2025
A BEAUTIFUL MEETING
Jose Alejandrino
After months of begging the White House for Bongbong Marcos to meet President Trump because Bongbong badly needs a selfie with Trump to lift his sagging popularity, the White House finally acceded to the request.
When the big day arrived, Bongbong was made to wait for an hour while the US Secret Service made sure he was not high on Coke. After Bongbong was cleared of not being a terrorist, he was ushered into the Oval Office.
Here is how I imagine the meeting went.
With his usual smile, Bongbong started with an apology to Trump. “I’m sorry about an earlier public statement I made about not being able to support you for president because I thought you were too belligerent,” he said. “I believed Kamala Harris when she said you are a threat. I believed her because she is a dear friend and friends don’t lie to each other.”
“Don’t apologize,” Trump replied. “Idiots tend to believe idiots. I have a rather busy schedule. I can only give you ten minutes. Let’s get to the point.” Trump took a paper from his desk and handed it to Bongbong. ”As I have said in many of my public statements, I don’t believe in free trade. I believe in fair trade. That’s the bill you owe the US for us buying more from you than you buying from us. You have 24 hours to pay.”
Bongbong gasped when he looked at the bill. “But this is in billions …”
“Right, in US dollars and not Philippine pesos,” Trump interrupted him. “Another thing. As collateral for future trade transactions, I want you to hand us the Marcos gold which your late father wanted to return to the Filipino people. The US will hold it in trust for them and return it to them once there is no more corruption in the Philippine government.”
“But I don’t know where the gold is,” Bongbong replied.
Trump went to his desk to retrieve another paper. “According to a press interview you gave years ago, you said you are the only one who knows where your father’s gold is,” Trump said, handing him a copy of the press interview. ”I was told you are an inveterate liar. I refused to believe it until now. Let’s stop the bullshit. I give you a month to comply. If you don’t, there will be consequences.”
Bongbong started peeing in his pants. It trickled into the rug in Trump’s office. “You’re spoiling my rug,” Trump said. “I’ll have to bill you for the dry-cleaning.”
Bongbong held back his pee. He regretted not having worn a baby diaper beneath his underwear. After regaining his composure, he said, “I came to tell you we appreciate everything your country has done for us, particularly the PH-US Mutual Defense Treaty. You can keep the EDCA bases. No charge.”
Trump smiled at Bongbong. “That’s nice to hear,” he said. “Our commitment remains steadfast so long as you don’t provoke China into a war with us, like what Zelensky did to Russia. I dressed him down for it. Another idiot. As for the EDCA bases, you’ll have to pay us compensation for protecting you, like what I told NATO, Japan, South Korea, and Taiwan. Allies are allies but business is business. I’ll ask my defense secretary to send your defense secretary the bill. Anything else?”
“I was wondering whether we could have a picture together, Mr. President, to show to my people back home I cleared any misunderstanding we had in the past.”
“When your cousin Martin, what his name? … Rombadass? … stops persecuting the daughter of my good friend Rodrigo Duterte and when you have paid all your debts to the US is when we can have a picture together. Tell your cousin not to do what the Democrat liberals and leftists did to me. Is that clear?”
“Yes, sir,” Bongbong murmured underneath his breath.
“Good,” Trump said. “Time up. You may go now.”
