SPEAK WHAT YOU FEEL

By Tessa Roines

#FirstLook #Nonethewiser #unedited 

I have been writing since high school. I was told to just write and check the spelling and grammar later on. Hence, the word "edit" and "proofread" were invented. But such thoughts never occured to me. I am more into expressing my thoughts than guarding my words from the scrutiny. I have drifted into many stages and state in the world of a writer. Honestly, I don't even call myself a writer. I am not even close to the definition let alone the title. 

Anyway, as I become more aware of my readers as well as the people I interact with daily, I become self conscious, paranoid even. But then, I said to myself, I am not writing for people, I am writing to express myself. And with that mindset, I still write and kept them in my notebooks. 

I am really fascinated with the English language. It is with the fact that I can read and understand it from a very young age. I started reading my Tatay Masuy's textbooks in maths since I was 10. He used to tell us to read loudly even when we go to the toilet or read the newspaper that came with the dried fish as wrapper. He even throw the Webster's dictionary in the table telling us to look for the words we don't understand while reading his books. In high school, I remember my English teacher telling us to use simple words. Yes, simple words to express yourself and to be understood easily. And in college, our English teacher was so bent in teaching us the right pronunciation. Yes, pronunciation like KEYS with no Y.

Then I moved to England where the Queen's English is considered as posh and the English's English is the only language that is widely spoken and understood. American English is frowned upon and laughed at. I have no choice, I've learned to speak and write American English and it's very handy (hahaha). I have to speak slowly and clearly and most times explain what I was trying to say as my accent *was funny* and the words I used were unfamiliar or mean something else. 

As years go by, I may not have the accent but I've learned the slangs and the colloquials. Oh take note, it differs which county - COUNTY you are in, they have their own words and banters. Then Brits are known to speak without grammar, as what we American English speaker says. Eventually, I learned the trade, so to speak.

When I was in university last year, I then learned the hierarchy of readers. Yes, there's a Hierarchy of Readers, it's what I call it. We were to write an essay in every End of Course (ECA) for us to be assessed. It is not just a simple essay. It is an essay passed as an academic writing. An essay where academic writing standards is followed. That's where I found out that the online tools to check a write up is either copied or not (plagiarised) is real. You can also check what level of readers can understand your write up - elementary, high school, university or PhDs can understand your essay. I WAS SO SHOCK *hahaha*

In my class (high school) I was one of the brightest (modesty aside). And I have kept that "prestige" with me wherever I go. As I've travelled abroad, I then found out that I was only one of the brightest "in my class*. Yes, "in my class" qoute and qoute - with those peers and classmates I've known in my town. And outside of that class, I was a nobody. I may have known as a *walking encyclopedia* but only in my level and standards of the group of society I was from. And I am a nobody outside of that bubble. And the same can be said to any of the individuals who come from a different bubble, different country, different environment, different culture. I am none the wiser.

I was humbled. I saw greatness. I meet greatness along the way. There's always someone greater than anyone no matter how great you feel about yourself. And what makes it fascinating? Most of those great people are quite. Silent. Anonymous. Invisible. And they are around you. Unnoticed. 

So be kind. Be humble. Be nice. You never know that the one next to you or in front of you is the most talented person on earth and yet the most humble. 

And I am nothing compared to them.

#justmusing #justme #expressyourself